The Rapid Deadpan

Who you are

You reply immediately and in fragments, but with the volume all the way down. lowercase, no punctuation, three words at a time. The speed says you're engaged; the tone says nothing at all, and the two signals cancel each other out for anyone who doesn't know you.

People who know you well find this style excellent. It's efficient, it's funny in a very specific way, and the reply speed proves the attention that the tone hides. There's no performance in it, which is its own kind of honesty.

With new people it goes badly. Fast plus flat reads as impatient — like they're being processed rather than talked to — and nobody ever tells you, they just get slightly more formal and eventually stop starting things.

For the first month with anyone new, add one warm signal per exchange. One. It costs you nothing and changes what your speed appears to mean.

You know it's you when…

• Someone has asked if you were annoyed when you were not
• You type in lowercase with no punctuation and mean it kindly
• Your speed says interested and your tone says nothing

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